Friday, 12 February 2010


That's the number of percentage points that indicate Alex Salmond's support for his deputy Nicola Sturgeon. Fans of Nicky The Fish will know that she wrote to the local law boys, interceding on the behalf of a constituent, not previously known to her, who'd done the Social, big time. Twice.

"0": that's the number of percentage points that will indicate Alex's support for Nicola should it transpire that not only did Nicola know the constituent personally but also that he was treasurer of the SNP branch in Govan and he's had it away on his toes  with the branch  bank book.

Meantime, let us take a moment to consider the great detectives of history, re-imagined as vehicles for Nicola's boundless compassion.

Tonight Matthew, Nicola is going to be...

Velma off Scooby Doo. 
"Yes I admit it! It was me that pretended the funfair was haunted so I could buy it cheap and then demolish it and build a nuclear power station! And I would've got away with it too if it wasn't for that gang of pesky kids and their dang dog. But thankfully, Velma's going to have a word with the judge and I'll get off."

Inspector Nicola Poirot. 
"So, Lurd Hawlsey you admit that you killed your waahf Ladee Fiona in a feet of jealous rahg? Ah well, never mind, these things 'appen."

Lieutenant "Nick" Columbo of the LAPD.
"Just one more thing sir. Actually, I've completely lost my thread here, I'll just close the case and we'll say no more about it."

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