Thursday, 27 November 2014

Nicola, safe now

having secured the top job, could let slip the facade of studied politeness...

Monday, 24 November 2014

Kenny Mackaskill to sue BT

Government minister Kenny Mackaskill is to sue BT over loss of service on both his landline and mobile. 
He told The JT: "I've been waiting by the phone  to hear what job Nicola is offering me in the new cabinet but the phone hasn't rung once." 
Mr Mackaskill reckons the line has quite an unusual fault because there is a dialtone, "and it seems it only effects incoming calls from Nicola. I got several calls from journalists asking me to comment on being fired from the Cabinet, I don't know how these ridiculous rumours get started and I'll certainly set the journalists straight once I talked to Nicola, although she seems to be very busy because every time I try to call her, she's out."

While Mr Mackaskill waits to find out if he's to remain as Justice Minister or possibly move to a new, more senior position its very much business as usual. 
In that curious speak -your- weight monotone he affects, Mr Mackaskill said:" I will continue to discharge the duties of my post especially in tooling up the police with 9mm pistols and ensuring that corroboration is done away with allowing our boys in blue to convict more criminals who are probably guilty as hell anyway."
As we made our excuses and left Mr Mackaskill took to  shaking his mobile and shouting "Hello? Hello!" at random intervals into the mike.
"Ring you bastard,ring."

Thursday, 20 November 2014

Thank you, thank you, he'll be here all week...

Great gag shared by Thunder Bay Pete.
Don't forget to tip the waitress.

A man goes into Waterstones and asks the young lady assistant, 
“Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?”
She replies, “I’m not sure if it’s in yet.”
“That’s the one; I’ll take a copy…”

Sunday, 2 November 2014

Jim Murphy resigns to campaign and possibly re-train...

Jim Murphy has resigned his shadow cabinet role to campaign for the post of Labour leader in Scotland. He told The JT :" Yeh the thing is right, it looks like my Westminster seat might be on a shoogly nail so I'm looking for an exit strategy."

It is understood that Mr Murphy is concerned that if he fails to become Scottish leader, he loss of his East Renfrewshire seat might result in him having no money. 
" I might have to rethink my career, possibly I'd need to re-train or look for a new field of work." 
Mr Murphy did ask if there were any jobs going at The JT but backed off when told of the salary and the hours- both with a null value.