Monday, 27 May 2013

Aviation gag.

Final trip for Orkney shortest flight pilot

Stuart Linklater has clocked up 1.3 million miles in his Britten-Norman Islander aircraft
A pilot who has completed the world's shortest scheduled flight more than 12,000 times is to take to the skies over Orkney for the last time.
Stuart Linklater, 59, will retire after making his final trip on the route between Westray and Papa Westray.
It takes just two minutes - including taxiing - to complete the 1.7 mile flight, which is about the same length as the runway at Edinburgh Airport. Mr Linklater told The JT :"Frankly, the jet-lag was becoming too much."

Thursday, 23 May 2013

Okaay, no way this is gross...(From The BBC)

Handbag made from Highland 

cow stomach lining

Jocelyn MatherJocelyn Mather collection ranges from a formal clutch to a dainty handbag
A handbag collection created using the stomach lining of a Highland cow has been designed by an Edinburgh student. The student has expressed the wish to, later in her career, "look after" 101 dalmatian puppies.

Saturday, 18 May 2013

"It will be bangin!'"-Moderator assures Assembly...

The new Moderator of The General Assembly, officially opened this year's meeting today, asking of those attending to "make some noise!" 
Moderator, Lorna Hood, is set to break somewhat with tradition, by providing none stop DJ sets instead of the usual  procedural and doctrinal debates. 
She told The JT: "Anyone familiar with my club nights  will know I favour dub-step, however in the interests of ecumenical good-will, I will be mixing a lot of grime into the set as well."

Lorna totally checkin' her levels...

Friday, 17 May 2013

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

No, off course not, not really...

Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield touched down at Prestwick Airport on Tuesday evening after his return from the International Space Station.

Monday, 13 May 2013

From The Hardup, almost....

Sturgeon's benefits vow in bid to win over women to Yes camp

NICOLA Sturgeon today launches a determined bid to woo women voters by pledging to redraw the benefits system in their favour should Scots vote yes in next year's independence referendum.
In addition, Ms Sturgeon, pledged to help Scottish women with their dress sense. 
She said: " As a high-flying, career politician it would be too easy to let things slide in the personal styling department. I'm here to reassure Scottish women that if I can keep on top of the latest fashions then ordinary women can  too." 
Ms Sturgeon pledged that, in a post-independence Scotland, Scottish women would receive advantageous treatment in dealing with the benefits system, while women living in England and Wales post-independence could just go and fuck themselves presumably.

Saturday, 11 May 2013

Photogags-brief return

For one time only, I couldn't resist going back to me JT roots mon, with the photogag below, inspired by those wonderful photographers/readers at The BBC Scotland website.

"Of the three, only Moe got the gag about the horse walking into a bar..."

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

Ah yes, of course... (from The BBC)

"The health benefits of exposing skin to sunlight may far outweigh the risk of developing skin cancer, according to scientists.
Edinburgh University research suggests sunlight helps reduce blood pressure, cutting heart attack and stroke risks and even prolonging life."
As evidenced by the delightful creature featured below who stood as the BNP candidate at South Shields.
"They come over here, stealing our sunbeds..."

Monday, 6 May 2013

Delighted that this all turned out OK...

Equalities minister Jo Swinson has praised staff at a Glasgow hospital for "keeping her alive" after an allergic reaction to a biscuit.
The Liberal Democrat MP, who has a nut allergy, unwittingly ate a snack containing nuts at a charity cake sale on Saturday.
It could've gone really, really badly...

Friday, 3 May 2013

WARNING! Obvious gag ahead!

And with the news that an attempt to stop  the new minimum price for alcohol applying in Scotland has failed, we caught up with one JT reader, departing the swallie aisle, loaded for bear, at his local Tescos:

We asked:" So, stocking up before the price rise are you?"

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Department of Ill-divided worldliness (From The BBC)

The Scottish council tax freeze disproportionally benefits the wealthy, according to research by a union.
Unison said people in the most expensive Band H homes saved on average £441 per year while those in the cheapest homes saved £147 a year.
The union claimed increased charges for services such as rent had far outweighed the claimed savings.
A Scottish government spokeswoman said the freeze had provided "much-needed relief" to hard-pressed families and rich people.
Refusing to speak to The BBC, Professor Beaker of Dundee's Department of Public Policy For Dummies, commented to us:" When the right-wing press are strangely quiet , year after year, on a particular bit of taxation you can bet your arse its because rich people are benefiting from it."