The story is of Jim Murphy donating food to a bank while promising to do away with the need for foodbanks. OK, the picture caption indicates that intent but you take one look at the photo and really, the speech bubble writes itself...
Tuesday, 31 March 2015
Monday, 30 March 2015
Labour's election campaign manager, Douglas Alexander, confirmed to the BBC that the challenge of securing a Labour majority would be difficult but "doable. ".
He also took the opportunity to announce the appointment of Harvey, a six foot rabbit only he can see, as advisor. Mr Alexander told the BBC, "At election time its very easy to lose touch with reality, Harvey's wise advice will keep my feet firmly planted 100 miles in the air, orbiting the different planet I live on."
Sunday, 29 March 2015
Saturday, 28 March 2015
Friday, 27 March 2015
Thursday, 26 March 2015
Monday, 23 March 2015
The definition of selfless? Here you go...thank The Scotsman.
|"No, I'm a fool to myself, I really am..."|
Inside: Previously in The JT, older evidence of Charles being a fool to himself:
Friday, 20 March 2015
Nick Clegg says
Lib Dems can pull
off election 'surprises'
Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has told the BBC predictions of a Lib Dem "apocalypse" would be confounded.He told a frankly incredulous JT, "For such an apocalypse to occur it would have to be foretold and there would be great signs and wonders manifest, God would cause the moon to obscure the sun and a great darkness would be upon the earth."
Wednesday, 18 March 2015
Thursday, 12 March 2015
Monday, 9 March 2015
If this news doesn't surprise or shock you in the least, then you're definitely Scottish. (Thanks to Highland Pete)
Thursday, 5 March 2015
Jim Murphy, facing an electoral meltdown in the May election will today unveil the latest weapon in the fightback-Robohack, a super robot designed to persuade the electorate to vote Labour or else.
Jim told The JT :"We've experimented with synthetic life forms before, but Johann Lamont and Iain Gray were a but pish to be honest, we're hoping that Robohack is better at mimicking human behaviour because those two were rubbish at it."
Boffins have told The JT that Robohack is likely to come up against from Asimov's fourth law of robotics:robots programmed by plausible social democrats tend to be a bit rubbish.
Professor Beaker, back from a long sabbatical explains:"Social democracy seeks to accommodate socialist programmes within the context of a capitalist economy, which works a bit until the economy drives itself over a cliff taking any socialist notions with it. Robohack will experience cognitive dissonance engendered by holding two contradictory positions in a single brain.
It is likely the entity will eventually flail about ineffectually before exploding in a shower of sparks and going all melted- just like Johann and Iain..."
|"Who are you?" "Iam Jim, your creator."|
"Oh, fuck me."