Thursday, 5 March 2015

Robohack-the future of vote enforcement!

Jim Murphy, facing an electoral meltdown in the May election will today unveil the latest weapon in the fightback-Robohack, a super robot designed to persuade the electorate to vote Labour or else.

Jim told The JT :"We've experimented with synthetic life forms before, but Johann Lamont and Iain Gray were a but pish to be honest, we're hoping that Robohack is better at mimicking human behaviour because those two were rubbish at it."

Boffins have told The JT that Robohack is likely to come up against from Asimov's fourth law of robotics:robots programmed by plausible social democrats tend to be a bit rubbish. 

Professor Beaker, back from a long sabbatical explains:"Social democracy seeks to accommodate socialist programmes within the context of a capitalist economy, which works a bit until the economy drives itself over a cliff taking any socialist notions with it. Robohack will  experience cognitive dissonance engendered by holding two contradictory positions in a single brain. 
It is likely the entity will eventually flail about ineffectually before exploding in a shower of sparks and going all melted- just like Johann and Iain..."

"Who are you?" "Iam Jim, your creator."
"Oh, fuck me."

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