Tuesday, 28 February 2012

"It's all been a terrible mix up" bomb trial told

The trial of the two men accused of sending a bomb to prominent Celtic figures has been told that it's all been a bit of a mix up.
 The court was told: only Neil Lennon and Paul McBride were targeted specifically because of their connections with Celtic. The third recipient of the threat, Ex-MSP Trish Godman, was targeted because she's got no dress sense. 
The court also heard that the accused now accept that their actions could only bring the  name of Rangers into disrepute - and that's really Craig Whyte's job. 

" I mean, what does she look like?"

Monday, 20 February 2012

Fans can't "bear" it

as not only do the problems at Ibrox deepen but McCoist, faced with a weak starting eleven, is forced into some unusual loan deals.

Fans are also demanding a full inquiry, into why the whole tax issue couldn't be dealt with the traditional Rangers way- over a handshake at a lodge meeting.

Monday, 13 February 2012

Rolls Royce for Whyte!

And as Rangers prepare for administration and Mr Whyte heads for the door with a parting "so long suckers!", the club's marketing people start work on a new brand identity...

Monday, 6 February 2012

Yes indeedy...

Scottish women this week will be urged to cut down on alcohol consumption by reducing the size of the drink consumed. Wise words.
Meanwhile, back on Planet Earth, a wummun contacted by The JT said: "I can see how 300 cl of red poured into a 400 cl glass can look a tad excessive which is why I'm taking decisive action - and getting out the 800cl glasses."

In an attempt to scare wummen into drinking less, an app, whatever that is, will be available showing the effect of excessive consumption on a female's coupon.
Our source commented "leaving aside the obvious gag about the 'after'  shot looking better than I do at the best of times, I have been disturbed by the implications of that photograph, which is why I'm taking decisive action by hurriedly deleting it."

It is thought that to combat the toxic effects of alcohol on the body, the mind and the impulsive choosing of sexual partners, women are being advised to have two alcohol-free days a week - yesterday and tomorrow.

This is when you should really start worrying to be honest...

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

And despite

reportedly angry at being  made a scapegoat for the RBS fiasco, Just Plain Fred is said to be bearing up well, quietly helping his spouse run the family home...