Thursday, 30 October 2014

Yes, this photo from The BBC definitely needs an edit...

Miliband due at Scots Labour dinner

Labour's UK leader Ed Miliband will attend a gala dinner in Glasgow as the process of finding a new Scottish leader continues.

Monday, 27 October 2014

From The BBC

Several likely candidates have ruled themselves out of the running to replace Johann Lamont as the new leader of the Scottish Labour Party.
MSPs Kezia Dugdale and Jenny Marra have said they will not stand in the leadership contest. 
The potential candidates told The JT that the leadership role did not appeal because they were both looking for a position with more job security, perhaps running a salad bar in Texas or testing parachutes bought out of Poundland...

Saturday, 25 October 2014

So farewell then Johann, we hardly knew you...

No, seriously, who were you meant to be again?

"These are your orders for the coming year. Don't fuck it up, right?"

Thursday, 23 October 2014

And as The Smith Commission

swings into action, there's a real sense of what politicians fondly imagine is "urgency":

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Friday, 17 October 2014

New era dawns at Holyrood as Ms Sturgeon advises other party leaders on the need to gie them sells a guid shake...

First Minister elect Ms Nicola Sturgeon told The JT today that a new era was dawning at Holyrood.
She said:" With women heading all three major parties in the parliament, I foresee a novel, different feel to how we conduct our political life." 
Ms Sturgeon pledged to work constructively withe the women leading the other two parties. 

Of Labour's Johann Lamont Ms Sturgeon said:" Let's be honest, Johann's nae oil painting, talk about a bulldog chewing a wasp, but I will make every effort to work positively with her on issues of joint importance- how to stop her coupon souring milk for example."

Of the Conservatives' Ruth Davidson, Ms Sturgeon remarked:"She's a nice enough woman I suppose but Christ, she needs to get some beef aff that arse of hers. Have you seen it? Her left and right arse cheeks must be in different time zones."
As of Monday next it will be illegal to possess or pass on images of Helen Bonham Carter in that Tim Burton rotten remake of Planet of The Apes, just in case people look at the picture and go "Fuckin' hell! Look who it is!"

Thursday, 9 October 2014

Say what now?

Mr Whyte pictured here after just  being told what happens to blonde-haired guys with pretty mouths in prison...

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Dutch rail group delighted to find out they've won something

 A spokesdutchieonthelefthandside for Dutch rail group Abellio expressed delight today on being informed that the company had won the contract to run Scottish trains. 
The spokesetc commented:"For real? We won?. What is it were are winning?"

It is understood that the company's bid team had got a bit baked prior to the final bid being submitted, and the last thing the team remember is firing up another fat boy and chilling out to some cool jazz.
The company's plan for Scottish trains include new rolling stock, mainly Rizlas...