Monday, 16 February 2015

FROM THE P AND J: From times long ago, presumably...

North east university bans Hollywood-style training masks

Spot the mentalists!

A north-east university has banned lecturers from using Hollywood-style masks to train nurses to treat mental health patients.
The move follows an angry backlash from patients and support groups over the use of the silicone disguises in role-playing exercises.
Tutors at Robert Gordon University (RGU) wore them as they acted out the parts of characters with complex illnesses, such as dementia and alcohol addiction.
Students and staff had hailed the highly detailed masks as an effective learning tool.
A spokesnurse told the current century: "Apparently, people who are mental don't necessarily look mental. Who knew?"
It is thought that the university is also reviewing its understanding of basic medicine- apparently
that four humours thing is a bit simplistic...

Thursday, 5 February 2015

Rangers boss says he would have preferred life-size players

Boss of the day, Kenny McDowall, at Ibrox expressed gratitude at the three loan signings from Newcastle but expressed the wish that the players concerned had been life-size. 

He told The JT: "While any help is appreciated given the weakness in our squad I would, to be honest, have preferred signings that weren't the size of Subbuteo figures. Quite apart from that there's the whole question of mobility, I mean how are they meant to provide park cover on this stand thing. Do they need a giant finger  to flick them about or what?"

Given the limitations imposed, Kenny intends to play the three as shown below. "Perhaps we could stick them on the goal line and get in the way of attempts at goal. Fuck knows really. I wish it was time for me to leave, I really do."