Monday, 30 June 2014

Post-facto inference 101

From The Scotsman,

From The JT:

Following the queue experienced by visitors attending the event, "Bannockburn-Delayed", new evidence is emerging that the original battle might have been subject to similar problems. 

While historians have traditionally located the battle on or around 24th of June, manuscripts discovered down the back of a very old sofa at the back of the newsagents in Whins of Milton reveal that Bruce was much delayed arriving at the battle by queuing traffic coming off the M9. 

Professor Beaker, of Stirling's Department For Appearing On The Telly Looking Windswept And Interesting, told The JT:" Its now clear that such was the queue of armed men turning up to take part in the battle that the battle's start had to be delayed several times with Bruce being forced to apologise to the English-side forced to hang around, sighing heavily and continually checking their hour glasses."

Shock was recorded amongst members of a local battle reenactment society who thought they were taking part in a pretend battle.
 In actual combat, re-enacters found that hitting your opponent in arms with a wooden sword covered in kitchen foil had little effect and resulted in severe reciprocal malky...
According to the later chronicler, Blind Willie McTell, "Great were the cries of ooh yah that hurts ya bastard, followed by the screams of dying for real."

Friday, 27 June 2014

From The Skinstman: see, what you've got to realise

is that  the Germans understand the meaning of the term "serene" in a slightly different way from us...

Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Thursday, 19 June 2014

"You see, young fella,

back in the days before all these fancy internet doings, this result  is what we'd call a coupon burster..."

Monday, 16 June 2014

While according to a Scotsman poll

many Scots think there will be bad feeling after the referendum, Skeletor, sans hood, is totally cool with it...

Off-duty Skeletor seen here just chillin' at Castle Grayskull

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Things to understand about football

Top strikers,Heat and Humidity, will always be playing against England in every match, as will the wily midfielder, El Nino...

Thursday, 12 June 2014

JK Rowling

She's lived in Scotland for years, pays all her tax without complaint, has donated £160m to medical research carried out by Scottish universities, she makes a calm, reasoned appeal against a Yes vote. What a bitch...

Look at her, the generous, kind, calm and rational bitch...

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Monday, 2 June 2014

Keane to remain assistant coach, practice spells

Roy Keane the completely sane  assistant coach with The Republic's national team has turned down a chance to manage Celtic.
 He told The JT: " The  Celtic job would really cut into the time I need to practice spells since becoming a wizard." 

Mr Keane can be seen below acting to levitate the entire Republic midfield past Italian friendly opposition. While no one actually witnessed any vertical movement part from Mr Keane, everyone present heartily agreed with Mr Keane's assessment that it "really fookin' happened roight?" while studiously  avoiding eye-contact...

"Roise in da air, Oi command yew!"