Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Review of a year like no other

in that 2014 as a year is historically unique. As will 2015 be and so on and so forth...


There's no easy way to say this, so let's just get it out there: Michaela likes black cock.

While watching

the BBC's broadcast from The Cairngorms in search of innocent diversion, I was shocked, shocked, upset and distressed to hear Winterwatch's Michaela Strachan make an very off colour comment on air. I was so shocked and distressed that I had to go to i-player and play the clip again with the subs on.

I've a good mind to put my foot through the universe and send the BBC the  bill.
Intriguingly, her co-presenter's remark:"We promise you black cock on the internet" went untitled, but you can run the show on i-player and play it at about 5 minutes in so you can be as disgusted as I was.
What a blind person just listening in would've made of this filth doesn't bear thinking about...
Our thoughts are with any distressed blind people at this difficult time and our hearts go out to them.
And this from The Skintperson. Altogether now, sheep shagging bastards, you're only sheep shagging bastards...

Smile, though inside you're aching...

Making The Best Of Things- Number 1

Ally McCoist and Lee McCulloch celebrate the massive achievement of Rangers winning the League One race
God, he's just so fuckin' hot...


One for the ladies, God bless them...


Scottish cabinet event

Angela Constance and Shona Robison"Gosh, Alex is so dreamy isn't he?" "Mmm, yes, I'd do him in a fuckin' heartbeat..."


The Scottish government has announced a women-only Scottish cabinet event to debate issues related to the independence referendum.
 Having just seen two women conveniently elected to the SNP Cabinet, a spokespatroniser told The JT:
" Its important to have a women only event so the girls can have a good old chin wag without having to worry about whose going to get the tea ready for the men..."
The Scotsman reported that fall in crime not due to police stop and search...

So farewell Tel, again...

Hibs crisis latest: So farewell then Tel...


Commonwealth Games special- Camerons win Looking Confused gold!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          


We're aff tae sunny Spain...tae meet a Pathetic Shark...

Things we learned on holiday.
  • Airlines now manage a fleet of creches flying at 37000 feet and stuffed full of screaming fuckin' kids going into meltdown. These creches are also known as aircraft. Toddlers aren't meant to be stuck in a metal tube or hours on end as part of a "holiday". Toddlers are the reason God invented camping holidays...
  • The obesity crisis is all too apparently European -wide.
  • Germans appear to suffer from a little known condition called reverse anorexia.
  • All of human life is here represented from beautiful people fresh off the front page of Model Monthly and others fresh of the front cover of Monsters Today.
  • A bikini, or indeed a pair of tight swim trunks, doesn't magically do away with  the16 stones of fat.
  • In a hot climate its vitally important to drink at least 3 litres of water. To ensure karmic balance make very sure to drink similar amounts of lager...
When a Spanish chef assures you that the soup is vegetarian, he means its made from vegetarians.
Do come in Gordon, Doctor Reality will see you now...

And finally, at the age of 63, Gordon suddenly experienced enlightenment...                                                 

Fuckin' hell, Kenny, that's a bit harsh..

Blimey Kenny, I mean Gabs is no Einstein but...

this is a bit harsh...

Finally, in a crowded field of potential candidates, a late entry, but deserved winner in the awards category I've just made up, Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the winner of the Complete Waste Of Genetic Material Award.

Sunday, 14 December 2014

Year of revelations for Jim Murphy

The new Labour leader in Scotland, Jim Murphy, spoke exclusively to The JT this week, revealing how this year has been one of personal revelations. Pausing only to adjust his Celtic top Mr Murphy said:"Apparently there's this philosophy called socialism that people in The Labour Party used to espouse. Its all about the working class controlling the means of production so I would like to put it on record that I'm definitely a socialist." 

It remains now only for Mr Murphy to slightly tweak the central tenets of the ideology to bring them into line with his personal political beliefs. "As a long term supporter of nuclear arms I will now reframe my position to state that workers should control the means of mass destruction, with the workers in this instance being the military and the US arms industry."

Inside: All together now: "Arise ye Trident missiles from your slumber..." 

Monday, 8 December 2014

From The BBC, who really should know better...

Winter weather preparations

 in place

GritterGritters have been out across the country to help in efforts to keep roads clear

Related Stories

Transport Minister Derek Mackay has inspected preparations to deal with winter weather as snow, ice and strong winds affected Scotland. 
Mr Mackay, who, if his Wikipedia entry is to be believed, has never had a job outside politics, told The JT:"I've inspected the gritting lorries and they all to contain a load of  this grit stuff and the required number of wheels necessary to propel the vehicle forward in a controlled and efficient manner."
It is thought that the road maintenance staff will visit Holyrood later this week to "inspect" the efficacy of the democratic process and sign off on it.
Inside: Here's a link to his Wikipedia hingmay, if you can find evidence of a hand being turned award yourself a big clock:

Monday, 1 December 2014

And as Nicola attempts to cover all conceivable policy bases

a day never goes fuckin' by without her going on about some fuckin' thing. Seriously bitch, give it a rest...