Sunday, 23 December 2012

Review of the year: now with added pictures!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I say thank Christ for that. 


Ruth Davidson, who shall feature again later in 2012, weirds everyone out by claiming that Scotland's referendum on independence/separation shall determine the nation's history for the next 1000 years!  To be honest there's a bit of a Reichy vibe going on there Ruth...
She also demonstrates her fab new gadget, The Oxter of Radiance, capable of turning her enemies into piles of smoking ash or something.


Ex-RBS boss said to be angered at criticism of his role the banking bail-out, where in an amusing volte-face we lent the banks money and they don't have to pay it back! Hurrah for the banks!


You know how Tories are just  warm, naturally  huggy people? No, I'd never heard that story either. Here's Ruth and Theresa demonstrating how to embrace while simultaneously backing the fuck off.


Just before every politician in the land conveniently forgot all those times they'd met up with Rupe, said Rupe told The Leveson Enquiry that he found Oor Alex to be "an amusing guy".


Just before confidently (and wrongly as it turned out) predicting that The SNP would take control of Glasgow City Council, here we see Gnasher in happier times. She's standing next to one Allison Hunter, lead SNP candidate, who hadn't bothered working out what policies to implement if elected. 
Mercifully the electoral fates conspired  to relieve Allison of that potential burden.


Despite its manifest abilities to create on-going omnishambli, ("Dear Auntie Beeb, could you fix it for me to have access to young kids for thirty years, now then, now then etc") I remain fond of the BBC. Below, classic case of underplaying the visual impact. 'mon the subs!


Prior to discovering winning ways against Federer, Andy Murray demonstrated losing ways against Federer earlier in the month. Here we see the awfulness of Roger's specific continuing predicament sink in.


Yosser Hughes (to priest): "I'm desperate father."
Priest: "Please, call me Dan."
YH: "I'm desperate Dan. " 
Bye Dan....


It's not so much a case of where do you start with Craig Levein, it's more a case of where do you finish?
As he came under increasing pressure, every contact he had with the media became first an exercise in passive aggression before quickly moving on to just aggression. Philosophy students yet unborn will struggle to make sense of Craig's comments of the 11th September:
"In an ideal world, and I'm maybe a bit of an idealist, for our players to play at their best they need confidence. Confidence comes from results but it also comes from knowing people are backing you, supporting you." 


They bestrode Scotland's political landscape like colossi! But wee colossi really...


I blame Steven Spielberg, or more specifically Saving Private Ryan. Because after that thantic gore fest came out, it became de riguer not only for politicians the world ower to turn up at memorial days, looking extra-sad, but, more importantly to be seen to turn up. And through the alchemy of mixing up remembrance and politics, the politician is miraculously transformed. Or perhaps not...


No December pic for you, you naughty children. But a quick note on admin. The Web Mistress has decided on my behalf that I'm  to start tweeting which is apparently a thing in these days of jet packs and rocket ships. Anyway, look out for them. 
Be good, do good. See you on the other side, inshallah.

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

EDINBURGH TRAMS: Operator admits, speed still an issue...

Inside: See that Docklands Light Railway in That London? You'd be quicker walking. Backwards, while wearing a blindfold. The line's strapline should be "I train you long time..."

Monday, 17 December 2012

Oh God... Just too good.

Thankfully, they didn't market this product in bags. (Thanks to Highland Pete for this jewel, family sized, two of.)

Thursday, 13 December 2012

From The BBC (Almost)

Anger over 'champagning' stunt at St Andrews University

The students running along the West Sands to mimic the opening scene of Chariots of FireThe wankers running along the West Sands to mimic the opening scene of Chariots of Fire
A group of wankers have been accused of tarnishing St Andrews University's reputation with a video where they pour bottles of champagne over their heads.
Students from other parts of the UK have been posting videos online where they tip milk over their heads.
It is understood the St Andrews wankers were trying to show they were more affluent by turning the "milking" trend into "champagning".
The students' association's president said he was furious at the prank.
Freddie Fforde said their actions had undermined efforts to attract people from all backgrounds to St Andrews.
Seven wankers are seen in the YouTube video, which has now been removed, wasting 25 bottles of what appears to be champagne.
Mr Fforde told the BBC Scotland news website: "I am furious about this because of all the work students and I have done to encourage students from all backgrounds to apply here.
"This video has undermined our image and undoes a lot of good we have done.
"I have spoken to the wankers involved and they realise they have made a massive mistake. They are very embarrassed about it and have gone into hiding."
Inside: Only at St.Andrews would the president of the student association be called Freddie Fforde. Which gives me an excuse to re-cycle an very old gag:"How many St. Andrews' students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to mix the pink gins the other to phone the porters' lodge."

Tuesday, 11 December 2012

"Ce n'est pas..." Bruce statue to be re-imagined in well thought out plan...

"Man on horse..."
The renovation of the  Bruce statue at Bannockburn was completed this week, with the artist concerned going for a more modern approach. Pausing only to put down his chisel the spokessculpter told The JT:
 " We thought that the Bruce statue had to reflect the development of equestrian statuary in modernist art. So we've gone not so much for cubism as oblongism."
"Ce n'est pas un homme sur un cheval..."

It is thought that the  resulting strange monolith will prove popular, especially with coach parties from Alloa, who are expected to become very excited, hoot loudly and throw animal bones into the air. Much like any other Saturday night in Drysdale Street if truth be told...

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

God knows I need the numbers

but there is a limit. My supery-dupery tracking software spotted a visitor who'd come to The JT via a rather, (cough), specialised Google query. Just for the record, we've never drawn attention to Sally's love pillows. Not once.