Tuesday, 22 December 2009

"Hello there"

22nd December, 2009, a day that will live on in infamy. For this was the day, dear reader, when Heather Reid delivered her last weather forecast for BBC Scotland. 

For those of you cruelly marooned abroad, in That Foreign, you should know that Heather The Weather has been a constant, fragrant and national treasure type of thing for some years on BBC Scotland. 
So beloved has HTW become in fact that she featured over the years in a number of gags over at the big Jaggy Thistle, currently to be found, in a siding, at :www.thejaggythistle.co.uk. Just type Heather The Weather into the old engine and features salacious, blasphemous and, in retrospect, possibly libellous  will make themselves known to you.

We should not underestimate the service the dear girl has done the nation. Quite apart from her well-honed skills in handling the odd-isobar, Heather performed a vital function during appearances on Reporting Scotland. 
Again, for those living in Foreign, I perhaps should explain that RS is BBC Scotland's (ahem) "flagship"  news show. In truth, RS is a flagship in the same way that the Titanic was considered seaworthy.
Reporting Scotland is a nightly tea-time feast of fucked-up links, mis-captioned VT and a selection of presenters and correspondents who appear to have  been on work-experience for the last 30 years. 
Its awful. 
I love it.

Heather's presence provided the perfect correcting balance between the nightly rotating of (female) presenters. Therefore, when resident MILF Jackie Bird took the chair, Heather's presence served to cool things down a bit. When uber-munter Sally Magnusson graced us with her dead-eyed, glacial presence, Heather spiced things up a bit. She was the ice to Jackie's fire, the fire to Sally's grey dishwater.
So farewell then, Heather dear. 
In fact, goodbye there.
Inside: Last post this side of Xmas reader dear. Have a good one and we'll meet again on the other side.

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

From The BBC

NHS boss urges doctors pay cut

A senior NHS official has called on medical professionals to consider a pay cut to help create a fairer society.

Dr Linda de Caestecker, director of public health for NHS Greater Glasgow and Clyde, said fresh ideas were needed to tackle health inequalities.
Her second biennial report highlights the gap in health and life expectancy between the rich and the poor.

She is reported to have said she would be prepared to take a drop in her own salary.

Waiting media representatives at the report's launch then  looked on as the doctor was interrupted mid-speech by other medical colleagues who restrained her before injecting her with some kind of  fast-acting sedative.

One of the attending  medics explained :" Doctor Caestecker has been under tremendous strain recently which has led her into making outrageous, confabulating statements about the need to  reduce the level of senior medical salaries. In consequence for her own and the safety of others wer'e here today to section Doctor Caestecker under the provisions of The Mental Health Act.
 I would just urge reporters here today to remember  that the doctor is very ill and forget what she just said, 'cos she's mental."

It is understood that the doctor will be subject to detention under the terms of The Mental Heath Act until such time as her psychiatrist considers her well and in addition has learned to shut the fuck up.

Monday, 14 December 2009

Oh dear...

You know your political tea is well and truly oot when... 

A presumably officially-sanctioned photo-op makes you look like a Teletubbie.

Friday, 11 December 2009

History versus Shaggin'

That's a vexing quandary that I've been directed  towards this week by force of events. 
Allow me to explain.
Some time ago, I wrote herein a gag about the then planned History of Scotland TV series. The gag centred on, well, here's the link, read it it yourself, here:http://thejaggythistle.blogspot.com/2008/12/history-of-scotland-historians.html
So as you can see, its not a remotely serious discusson  of the very serious discussions on the professional authority (or otherwise) of Neil Oliver. 

However, thanks to the vagaries of Google, that fact didn't stop The JT, possibly for the first and last time, coming first in the rankings if one Googled "Neil Oliver, Tom Devine" over the last few weeks. In consequence the blog enjoying a healthy increase in visits, albeit very brief visits.

'Til this week that is. 

Following my very hurried blog entry about the identity of the Scottish TV presenter who has allegedly being giving Tiger Woods wood, The JT now features prominently in Google searches with the terms "Tiger Woods, +Scottish TV presenter." 

What's even more intriguing is that on checking Stat Counter for my blog, the number of visits brought on by searching on History has dropped right away, while those (ahem) "stimulated" by Shagging have rocketed.

Proof positive that a dry, academic catfight between historians isn't nearly as interesting as the identity of a shaggee - even, one assumes, among Googling historians.

Clio: muse of history and not a right dirty stop out...

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

The Jaggy Thistle:

now proudly serving that burgeoning, Viz reader/ lover of post-WW2 US musical theatre, cross-over demographic.

The other Pathetic Sharks

Monday, 7 December 2009

...king hell

I'm grateful to JT reader and good bloke, Thunder Bay Pete, for the following information, via the Daily Telegraph website. Apparently, the list of ladies that Tiger Woods was (ahem) friendly with, now includes "a Scottish television presenter."  

It's not clear if that means, (and apologies here to readers living in Foreign),  we should read that as meaning a lady working for STV, or interpret  the phrase to encompass any lady working in Scottish TV. 

Blimey, I'll tell you what: I'll be watching all those wanton strumpets on Reporting Scotland very closely for any facial tells.

I have obviously instantly drawn up a mental short-list of women who might, you know, have done it, with Tiger Woods, but I'm keeping the membership of that list to my self, filed under the category that reads "She looks like a right dirty stop out."

Sunday, 6 December 2009

Again, from The BBC

Darling warns banks over bonuses
Chancellor Alistair Darling has warned banks that the government will "not be held to ransom" over bonuses.
He played down reports he will hit bankers with a windfall tax on bonuses in Wednesday's pre-Budget report.
He later told The JT: " I want to make it quite clear that if the banks don't make substantial changes to the current bonus culture, then I won't hesitate to warn them again."

A senior source in the banking industry said: " We fully understand why the Chancellor has instituted a rigorous regime of warning us periodically about the bonus culture and we fully intend to carry on as usual."

Friday, 4 December 2009

From The BBC

"Fifth of Scots have poor literacy
A commission set up to tackle literacy problems in Scottish schools has found almost one in five Scots has difficulty with reading and writing."

Thursday, 3 December 2009

The extent

of the discipline problems facing new Education Minister Mike Russell became apparent yesterday on his first visit to a school...

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

From The BBC

Scots education secretary demoted. She brands decision "totally, like unfair yeh?"
Under-fire education secretary, Fiona Hyslop, has been demoted in a reshuffle of Scottish government ministers.
Ms Hyslop has come under sustained opposition attack on issues including falling teacher numbers, cutting class sizes and school buildings.
Culture Minister Michael Russell has been promoted to education secretary, while Ms Hyslop will take on his previous position.
First Minister Alex Salmond said education needed a "fresh look".

During the fraught demotion meeting, Ms Hyslop sighed heavily throughout, refused to make eye contact and insisted that on the days SNP education policy had been messed up,  she wasn't even there right, 'cos she was off with a note and everything?