Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Referendum White Paper- a pictorial souvenir to cherish forever...

Only Nicola could see her spirit guide:the 1972 version of Al Pacino...
The document itself, sadly lacking anything on the rumours about Alex or that really good one about Nicola...

Alex marveled anew at how the servo mechanisms in Nicola's control pod allowed her to mimic human movement...
Also available, cigarette lighters and sports socks , two pairs a pound...
As John wondered when lunch was, Kenny could feel himself begin to fade away and Fiona's eyebrows prepared to make a break for freedom...

Wednesday, 20 November 2013

From The BBC: Just needs a tiny winy little tweak...

An independent Scotland would have a new licence fee funded broadcaster based on the assets and staff of BBC Scotland, a Holyrood minister has said.
Culture Secretary Fiona Hyslop made the pledge in a speech to the Salford Media Festival.
She told the gathering that the current level of licence fee "would be more than sufficient to provide a high-quality service". And River City.

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

You're welcome...

I'm sure its just a case of the photo editor at The Hardup just forgetting to dig this out.

Thief robs priest of alcohol collection

A thief broke into the home of one of Scotland's leading Catholic clergymen and stole his collection of valuable whisky and cognac.
Career criminal Simon Winks, 36, has been warned he faces a lengthy spell in prison after robbing the Rt Rev Monsignor Hugh McInally, 80, at his Perthshire home.
Fiscal depute Carol Whyte told Perth Sheriff Court that witnesses saw Winks and another man carrying a holdall. A dog walker noticed damage to the Monsignor's door and called the police.

Monday, 18 November 2013

Richard Wilson struggles to find an appropriate phrase to describe his incredulity...

The actor Richard Wilson, honoured at the Scottish BAFTAS for his outstanding contribution to television and film, struggled to find an appropriate phrase to describe his surprise at being given the award.
 Mr Wilson did accept that there had been rumours flying around prior to the award night but he told The JT:" It was put to me that I might be in line for an award but my response was to say that I thought the whole prospect  to be highly unlikely."

 Even when the idea was mooted by his long-term friend and agent, Mr Wilson averred remarking: "The whole idea just breaks all bounds of credibility." Mr Wilson confessed himself surprised and delighted by the totally unexpected turn of events:
" When my name was announced my first thought was, I've been transported into an alternative dimension where conventional, empirical notions of truth, falsity and evidential rules do not apply.But even that doesn't accurately describe my inner emotional and intellectual state of incredulity, perhaps no such phrase exists."
 Mr Wilson is  best known for his roles in long running TV shows like Only When I Laugh, Tutti Frutti and, of course, Merlin.

Thursday, 14 November 2013

Just add five years on

His Royal Highness is 65 today. So we could now describe him as retired. Which reminds me of the news, many years ago, that reported Princess Margaret as being on holiday. Occasioning a letter The Guardian along the lines of :"from what exactly?"
Anyway, go on, just add 5 years on....

Wednesday, 13 November 2013

Thanks BBC

because what  with all that typhoon related unpleasantness going on in The Philippines it far to easy to forget about the really important things. Oh, and thanks as well to whoever thought this "news" deserved a punt via a PR to Springfield Quay.

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Nicola Sturgeon:Minister, lawyer and naval architect.

It was exclusively  revealed this weekend that Nicola Sturgeon on top of her many other qualities is also a qualified naval architect. The news emerged as Ms Sturgeon confidently predicted that Scotland, post-independence would be the natural place to build the new generation of destroyers required by the rump of the UK.

She told The JT:" While studying law at Glasgow and working the pubs with my Suzi Quatro tribute act, I also did a degree in naval construction which is why I'm such an expert on the subject.

Ms Sturgeon, confident that orders for UK destroyers will flow north, conveniently ignoring those yards in England perfectly capable of building the fuckin' pointless exercises in post-imperial grandstanding, also revealed plans for The Clyde to become a centre for the building of a world-class new design- pocket battleships.
 She told a heavily sighing JT: "In this modern world of micro-electronics its should be perfectly possible to build a battleship that fits conveniently in the pocket. I think the Germans did something similar in the 1930s but I'm a bit hazy on the detail."

Ms Sturgeon's will be appearing at the Dog and Hammer in Govan this weekend with her one-woman show:"Suzi:the feathered years." Pie and pint, £2.50, nae colours.
"A wan, a two, a wan two three four!"

Inside: On a more serious note, for a reasoned, historically informed, discussion of the Clyde issues have a look at Ian Jack's beautifully written essay in TheGuardian:

Wednesday, 6 November 2013

Monday, 4 November 2013

And so, St.Andrews University...

continues to fulfill its historic mission- acting as a dating agency for posh kids from the Home Counties...

Friday, 1 November 2013

The Chris Boningtons...

...two men skilled in climbing mountains...(From The BBC, twice)

"A book festival in an East Lothian country house opens later with a talk by mountaineer Sir Chris Bonington."