Friday, 17 October 2014

New era dawns at Holyrood as Ms Sturgeon advises other party leaders on the need to gie them sells a guid shake...

First Minister elect Ms Nicola Sturgeon told The JT today that a new era was dawning at Holyrood.
She said:" With women heading all three major parties in the parliament, I foresee a novel, different feel to how we conduct our political life." 
Ms Sturgeon pledged to work constructively withe the women leading the other two parties. 

Of Labour's Johann Lamont Ms Sturgeon said:" Let's be honest, Johann's nae oil painting, talk about a bulldog chewing a wasp, but I will make every effort to work positively with her on issues of joint importance- how to stop her coupon souring milk for example."

Of the Conservatives' Ruth Davidson, Ms Sturgeon remarked:"She's a nice enough woman I suppose but Christ, she needs to get some beef aff that arse of hers. Have you seen it? Her left and right arse cheeks must be in different time zones."
As of Monday next it will be illegal to possess or pass on images of Helen Bonham Carter in that Tim Burton rotten remake of Planet of The Apes, just in case people look at the picture and go "Fuckin' hell! Look who it is!"

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