Wednesday, 3 March 2010
Purcell resigns and a world says "Yeh, whatever dude"
Under-stress Glasgow City Council leader Steven Purcell resigned his post this week, citing exhaustion as the reason, and immediately put the media handling of his decision in the hands of his lawyers and a PR agency.
"Its important " said one of the spokespokes handling the news "that a waiting world are made aware of Steven's momentous decision through the careful management of the news that er, Steven has resigned".
Mr Purcell's lawyer immediately issued a statement that read :" I can confirm that Mr Purcell is still no feeling very well and I will be issuing further statements reiterating this fact over and over again until such time as my client starts to not feel no very well."
Across the known world, people reacted with astonishment at the news- the news that some minor regional apparatchik thought his resignation was news and required (ahem) "management".
Professor Beaker of Edinburgh's School of No Feeling Very Well Studies told The JT: " The next few weeks will be crucial in establishing exactly what kind of exhaustion Mr Purcell is suffering from.
Boffins like me have identified two main types. There's exhaustion as in: 'I've just worked a ten-hour shift in A and E and I'm exhausted' and then there's 'I've just necked a shitload of _________( term removed on legal advice) and I did some ________ (ditto) about an hour ago and now I'm completely off my face with exhaustion'."
Naturally of course, it will be found that Mr Purcell is exhausted in the first sense and definitely not in the second sense.
Oh dear me, no.