Research by boffins at Edinburgh yooni revealed that the centre was adjudged value for money by external consultants, but only based on the number of referrals, not number of treatments. Only 38% of those patients referred by the NHS to cut waiting times actually received any treatment.
A spokesledger for the private centre told The JT: "We've noticed a marked decline in the company's vital cash levels when forced to do what the medics call "a procedure". By charging the NHS just for looking at a patient and then quietly shoving them back out the door, we've noticed that we can maintain cash levels at a healthy level, subject of course to regular transfusions supplied by the gullible hayseeds who run NHS Tayside."
Paying the centre by the referral is analogous to having your car looked at by the garage and then being presented with a real bill for a theoretical programme of repair.
A five year old child contacterd by The JT said: "The way to make a valid comparison would be to divide the total amount paid by the number of procedures carried out weighted for degree of complexity, and then set against a valid NHS comparator. And now I want juice and a biscuit."
Inside: Ancient but glorious. "Doctor, there's a man in reception who says he's invisible." "Tell him I can't see him just now."