Monday, 25 May 2009

And it's a grand old team to pay for!

As under-fire 'tic manager Gordon Strachan heads for the exit at Parkheid, management at the club are said to be satisfied with the club's performance despite failing to win the SPL title.

A major shareholder told The JT: "Despite the unwelcome distraction of having to field a football team, the underlying financial performance of the important bit, the business, has been very acceptable. A healthy balance sheet, record profit before tax, what's not to celebrate?"

It is thought that the keepers of holy biscuit tin have hoarded cash very effectively this year, mainly by not allowing Strachan to buy any decent players as this distraught denizen of Bairds told The JT: "When Willo Flood's your big windae signing you know youre donald ducked. And not in a good way."

Despite record returns to shareholders, the financial masterminds at Paradise are promising a whole raft of new financial moves in the run up to next season as a spokestim confirms: "We've always said that its a great honour to play for Celtic, which is why we'll be introducing a new system of signing on fees for next season. Players intending to transfer to Celtic will be required to pay the club a signing on fee, in recognition of how great we uhr. So we uhr."

Inside: Celtic Board thank Stratchan for his hard work, say there's "no rush" for him to return the paper clips he borrowed. Next week will be fine, but taking a fortnight would be pushing it a wee bit to be honest.
Previously on The JT blog, "Pope Innocent X, the Celtic Minded":

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