Unexpected credit crunch benefit! Salmond conference speech is cut by two thirds

Following Iceland's turn on the fiscal naughty step so recently warmed up by Ireland, Alex Salmond has now cut the running time of his SNP conference speech at Perth by two-thirds.
It is thought that Alex originally intended to burble on at great length, espousing his elegantly fashioned theory about small, independent nations - an "arc of prosperity" if you will, comprising Ireland, Iceland and Norway.

Given that reality has comprehensively pished on the chips of the first two over the last few weeks, Alex is now expected to re-brand his elegant, if somewhat empirically deficient schema, as a "point of prosperity" made flesh solely by Norway.

It is thought that Alex will tell conference delegates that if Scotland had similar sole control of oil revenues like the fish-liking Norwegians then we'd all be driving about in solid-gold cars or some other fuckin' bollocks.

Elsewhere on planet politics, Gordon Brown, revelling in his new found role as saviour of the international banking system, would like to make it clear that he is in no way related to the Gordon Brown who praised the City of London a few shorts months ago for its "risk taking culture".

That's as in taking risks with other people's money...

Inside: " Alex, it's Fred Goodwin on line two for you. He says he's a pal of yours."
"Oh fuck, tell him I'm not in, tell him I've emigrated! No, wait! Tell him I've died suddenly. Yes, tell him that. That'll work..."