"Money's gone to Iceland!"

Oh fuckin' bollocks news on the money front this week, with the story breaking that Scottish cooncils have invested heavily in Iceland's (the country) troubled banking sector.

One cooncillor told The JT : "When the cooncil's Finance Director said he'd invested 50% of our capital reserves in Iceland, I thought he meant the place wi' the cheap sausage rolls."

Indeed, perhaps the money would have been better stashed away in Iceland (the shoap) where a twenty course Tudor style banquet including roast swan and larks tongues in aspic may be purchased for a very reasonable one ninety nine.

Contacted for comment, The JT's resident authority on everything Professor Beaker commented : "I think this whole sorry episode teaches two very valuable lessons. One, never invest in a bank whose name you can't pronounce and two, never entrust your capital into the care of a country whose most famous export is well-known heid the ba' Bjork".

It is thought that SNP supremo Alex Salmond will now seek out and destroy all previous references he made to Northern Europe's "arc of prosperity", "independent" successful nations that previously included among their number Iceland - the country, no the shoap.

Inside: I see that Iceland advertiser Kerry Katona claims she's bipolar. I would've thought she was a 38 D but I'm no expert.