Ooh, get her! Old queen has go at dead queen

"TV historian David Starkey has called Mary, Queen of Scots, "a whore and a trollop and a murderess"...Starkey, who rose to fame presenting historical television programmes about the lives of the Tudors, was on a radio programme, giving his thoughts on the SNP's idea of returning Mary, Queen of Scots', remains to Scotland." Scotland on Sunday, 19 October 2008

Despotic, autocratic, egotistical, cruel with a tendency to go after anything in trousers... but enough about David Starkey, puddle jumping historian, what about Mary, Queen of Scots?

Well, if David reckons she was a bit of a bitch then that's good enough for me, since he should know dear...

The outburst above was apparently stimulated by the news that an (un)holy alliance between the Scottish branch of the One True Church and SNP MSP Christine Grahame are looking to have the decapitated despot's bones re-interred in some Scottish palace away from the current lair in Westminster Abbey.

Now I can see where the Church is coming from on this. Mary was, not to put too fine a point on it, a bit of an uber-tim. But Christine Grahame?
The daft auld biddie has seemingly got it into her head that Mary was some blameless victim sacrificed at the altar of English perfidy. This, is what we historians call a load of self-serving bollocks.

Christine, a list MSP remember, so no one actually elected her directly, is looking for some historical figure who can be conscripted into the modern nationalist narrative.

Put it this way. If I'd been Elizabeth Tudor I would've had Mary got a lot fuckin' quicker.

Martyr my arse.

Anyway, let's not be too cruel.Christine's getting on a bit and nice to see her keeping busy even if we're all paying for her wee hobby.

Inside: Actually, the real reason Dave's having a hissy is that he knows that he just couldn't carry off wearing one of Mary's royal gowns. Divine darling, divine...