School dinner bill : nervous throat-clearing ahoy!

With it not at all clear who will be picking up the bill for the new, free school dinners scheme, The JT offers a free, foolproof guide to avoiding picking up what our Amercan cousins term 'the tab'.

• Government says to council: "Have another look in your wallet, I'm sure I saw an extra £60m in there
• Council says to government: "I'm going to the bog. If you get this, I'll square up with you later, yeh?"
• Government to council: "Tcch. Would you believe it eh? I've come out without my credit cards. Or any cash"
• Council to government: "Hang on. Our schoolkids never had the starter. Or the pudding"

And if all else fails... "OK. Whose kids had the macaroni and cheese? OK that's 12000 portions of macaroni and cheese. Right how many kids had the baked potato?"