Saturday, 28 July 2012

One of the disadvantages

Moving ceremony marking not spending £9 bn on people's  housing needs.

of not being in That London over the last few months, years or what might actually be decades, has been missing out. 
Missing out that is, on being stopped by some BBC hack, blissed-out on Olympic Kool-Aid and being asked:" There's a real sense of excitement building isn't there?"

 Now, because you're really bright, you'll recognise an assumptive close when you see one. With such a positive-spin built into the query, it would've been a tad churlish to respond with:
" Well, to be honest, I would have been lot more excited had the government been a lot more imaginative and spent £9 billion on giving ordinary Londoners decent housing." 
But,no, I'm a coward, so if asked I would have said:" Excited? Am I excited? Ahm positively  tumescent wi' excitement honey (assuming it was a lady), I've got a diamond cutter building up here! Ahm loaded fuhr bear so ahm uhr!" Or words to that effect. 
They might have cut it in the edit mind.
Anyway, the above is all a scene setter for The JT's commemorative Olympic joke, sponsored by Adidas, Sony, Mastercard and Morton's Rolls. (Courtesy of Highland Pete):

"Letterbox goes and wife comes through with a jiffy bag addressed to her husband. 

"What rubbish is this you've been buying now?"  she asks.

Husband takes envelope from her and as he tears it open a bundle of bronze, silver and gold items fall out of it.

He says "These are the special Olympic condoms I sent away for and this is your lucky night because you're going to get a gold medal performance from me!"

His wife (with that look we can just picture) says "Is that so? Well I've got a better idea  --  why don't you put on a silver one and you can come second for a change?""

Thank you, Ladees and Gennelmen, lets hear it for Highland Pete, he'll be here all week. Try and the veal and don't forget to tip the waitress etc

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