With the news this week that Glasgow City Council is to sue companies making image use of the Christ of St. John of The Cross painting, it is thought that Jesus himself will shortly begin an action to secure his own share of earnings. Speaking from Paradise, where he sits at God's right hand, Jesus told The JT: "Actually, I used to sit on God's right hand but he got terrible pins and needles!
But seriously folks, this Dali painting was only one relatively late example of 2000 years of Christian representational art featuring me. Time for some payback, methinks."
Indeed, lawyers contacted by The JT confirmed that so central is our Saviour's image to the history of Western Art that Jesus could be looking at a sizeable payout. Malcolm Missives of Robb & Cheetham explains: "Palestine 2000 years ago was controlled by a complex interplay between the governing Roman power and local, Jewish religious law.
Tragically, Palestine at that time was so backward that the whole lucrative area of image-rights litigation hadn't been developed. A situation which of course directly led to the Passion Of Our Lord and, much worse, reduced sources of fee income for lawyers."
Mr Missives indicated that his practice would be willing to act for Our Lord and confirmed that, whichever one of The Trinity he is, would be looking at a fair-sized sum: "We estimate Jesus could be looking at a settlement of £3 trillion, or fifty quid after our outlays and fees."
It is thought that Jesus is not too bothered about the artistic merit of interpretations through the ages, as he told The JT: "If people want to believe that a semite living in The Holy Land would have blonde hair and blue eyes then I'm fine with that. Just give me the money."
Inside: Lawyers! Do you read The JT? How much would you charge The Lord? How much? Listen pal, Jesus has been crucified already...
"Christ of St.John of The Cross" or, as its known in Glasgow:
"Haw Peter! I can see your hoose fae up here!"
For an explanation of this gag send a s.a.e. to.... For an explanation of what a s.a.e. is, ask someone older than you.
Jesus, an artist's impression
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