Forth Crossing crisis: metaphor supplies already overstretched.

With the debate on the funding crisis surrounding the new Forth crossing, concern is growing that those shite metaphors beloved of politicians might already being running out.

In a stormy session at Holyrood, Annabel Goldie, pausing only to adjust her comfortable shoes, accused Alex The Smug of "wanting to burn bridges not build them". Iain Gray weighed into the debate by saying : "I agree with what she just said."

With the brain-dryingly tedious matter of funding the crossing likely to drag on for quite a while, Professor Beaker is concerned that the store of bridge-related metaphors may already be near exhaustion point. "It really could be a matter of this being a bridge too far. Oh shit, there's another one gone. Sorry."

The issue of funding could be resolved by the use of a mechanism called "tolls", an admittedly revolutionary idea whereby the user of the service actually, you know, like pays for it?

But this has been rejected, in a well thought out plan by the SNP government, as a spokeshalfwit now explains : "with the pace of global warming quickening, you'd think the last thing a responsible government would be doing is encouraging car use by reducing the real cost. You'd think that wouldn't you, but you'd be wrong."

Inside: Logic 101. I use car parks and I pay for their use. I don't have to use a particular car park, but I do. So why then do I have to pay?