"Day fucked - if - I - knaa in the Big Brutha House and is Tommy gannin' for the exit?"

With bookies' sentiment already running against Tommy Sheridan to stay the course inside the (ahem) "Celebrity" Big Brother House, one can only ask this. If they throw oor Tommy oot have they any idea what they're going to miss out on?

Viz:

• Tommy presenting a brief, three hour, slide-show titled, "Portraits of traitorous ex-comrades from the SSP who are pure gonnae get it after the revolution so they uhr."

• Tommy leading his fellow housemates in a rousing, twenty four verse version of "We must sweep away the forces of reaction with the iron broom of revolutionary practice!" With toilet breaks.

• Tommy mentally mapping the areas of the house not covered by cameras and then sidling up to (rest of sentence removed on legal advice).

• Tommy declaring the House a republic, Brotheria, and immediately nationalises the monopolies, the risks, the cluedos and other multiple copies of boardgames found in a cupboard.

Inside: Anyway, if the perjury trial goes tits up at least Tommy will have got some confinement practice in. "And next on Channel Fowa. Sorry I meant Four."