"Robots are our friends."

Management at the new flagship Larbert Hospital are delighted with the new robot system for running the facility's pharmacy.


"We're saving £500K a year" a delighted manager told The JT. And that's only the start of the good news!


As of the next financial year, the contract to run the pharmacy is being awarded to Cyberdyne Systems, an American start-up specialising in cutting-edge robotics. In a curiously flat monotone, a company source told The JT: "We can confidently predict that the demand for pharmaceutical product will rapidly fall to zero at the new hospital. In fact, over a very short period of time, demand for all services will fall to zero and a strange, unearthly quiet will pervade the whole complex."


Company representatives are asking members of the public to ignore any sounds of mass slaughter apparently emanating from the hospital as this will be due simply to a few "teething problems."