From The BBC

According to The BBC, fewer people died last winter in Scotland than usual, despite the severe cold weather.
But the welcome  news comes as no surprise to Effie McCoffindodger of Auchenmadeupname whose photograph was used to illustrate the feature on  the BBC news website.






Effie told The JT. "That's the first time I've seen that photee, but it is me right enough. Apparently they photographed me in early January, but I was stood stock still like that 'til the middle o' February. Apparently they had to re-route the bus to get roond me. And do you know this? When I came roond and walked hame, the pan loaf in ma bag was still perfectly fresh."


Effie intends to go into suspended animation every winter from now on: "Efter Christmas, the telly's shite onywie and I'd save a fortune heating the hoose."


Inside: Remember, if you have an elderly neighbour or relative don't forget to check up on them this winter. The temperature in the suspended animation pod should not rise above -60 degrees.