Mr Salmond, currently in Delhi for the Commonwealth Games had intended to address the SNP party-conference in Perth via a video-link, but due to unforeseen disruptions in the space-time continuum, his image instead appeared on the bridge tele-screen of The Enterprise.
"I was expecting to receive a peace message from the Saurian ambassador,10 parsecs away in the Galaxy Dena 3." a clearly distraught Captain Kirk told The JT.
"Saurians are, as a species, a bit odd-looking in the face department, in fact they don't have a face as such, but I'm used to dealing with weird-looking creatures. But this Alex Salmond? God in heaven, what manner of abomination is this?"
It is thought highly likely that this will not be the last time that offence is caused by the sight of a fat twat in a blue hat.
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