Tartan Army : grateful "thank you" to security forces

Thousands of Scotland fans denied entry to the Scotland-Macedonia game in Skopje on Saturday last night paid tribute to the local police force.

One footsoldier told The JT: "If it wasn't for the police force excluding us from the ground on safety, er, grounds, we would've have been forced to sit through that pile of pish."

That "pile of pish", Scotland being beaten one-nil by a country some 40 places below us in the Fifa rankings, is largely being put down to tactical failings on the part of manager George Burley. Perhaps overly concerned about the heat, it is generally agreed that the Scotland team played far too cautiously especially in the first half, as this Macedonia analyst now confirms: "Scotland played far too deep in the first half, especially the defensive line which was made up of the entire back four lying on sunbeds, wearing factor 15 with the brollies up."

Perhaps aware that the cold wind of criticism is already blowing on his neck, after the game Burley described Scotland's second half performance as "magnificent and courageous", leading the uninformed to perhaps conclude that we'd actually managed to win the game or at least sneak a draw, or that Burley had been watching an entirely different match.

But no. One can only imagine how effusive Burley will be when and if Scotland manage to win a game.

Meanwhile, mutterings can be heard regarding the sagacity of Burley's first squad choice - the selection, as assistant, of the Hun's hun, Suffolk boy made bad, Terry Butcher. Our Army source told The JT: "I'm not superstitious but I'm convinced that Scotland won't win a game until Butcher is taken upon a field and torn asunder by dray horses, his remains burnt unto ash and scattered upon unholy ground sown with salt. Alternatively, has anybody still got Vogts' number?"

Inside: If it's still up on the BBC site, I urge you to listen to Burley's post match interview with Chick Young. Honestly, you'd think we'd won the fuckin' game...