Monday, 5 October 2009

A long time ago...

in a galaxy far, far away, a David Cameron, who this week promised to treat Scotland with respect, wrote exclusively for The JT:

David Cameron speaks to the (English) Nation

"English ignorance of Scotland is damaging the union, according to the UK Conservative leader David Cameron." BBC News Online, 15th September 2006.

"Hi, it’s David William Donald Cameron here, but please, call me Dave.

Y’know, most people know that I’m a pretty straight-talking kinda guy and that’s why I said what I said.
Too many people in England are just completely ignorant of Scotland, its people and its history and so, with a name like Cameron, it’s up to me to set English people straight on a few things. For example, did you know that it was a Scotsman, Alexander Graham Bell Fleming that made it possible for penicillin to be injected over the phone?

And the next time you enjoy a cup of Earl Grey you’ve got James Watt to thank for inventing steam.

And it’s not just in the field of science that we’ve got a lot to thank the Scots for.

"The Wealth of Nations"? Pretty important book in the development of political economy right? But did you know that it was written by Maggie Smith? It’s true. Back in the 60s, when I was very young, Ms Smith wrote the book between acting jobs. It makes you think doesn’t it? And then there’s Charles Rennie Macintosh, architect and interior designer who found the time to style the iPod. Could you live without your iPod? I know I couldn’t.

But hey, there’s more.

The next time you’re enjoying a day of grouse shooting and Angus, the beater, takes a sip out of his hip flask and then offers you a swig, just remember, as you surreptitiously wipe the neck of the flask prior to having a drink, that the Scots invented whisky. I can tell you, that it’s a beautiful sight, while travelling through rural Perthshire, to see the fields of whisky bottles glint as they ripen in the autumnal sun.
"But Dave" I hear you ask, "Don’t Scottish people have funny accents?" Listen, anytime I’m up in Scotland hangin’ with me Tory homies at Scottish Central Office they all speak exactly like me! So let’s have no more ignorance about Scotland.

Data.jpg (1800 bytes) That Tory leader bloke
DavidCameron.jpg (4049 bytes) Data off Star Trek

Inside: Dear Sir, Am I alone in thinking that David Cameron looks like that android bloke, Data, off "Star Trek?". I think not.

(September 2006)

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