Credit crunch? Recession? Belt-tightening time? Tell me about it.
Hi, there, I'm the Duke of Sutherland and bad news for me means good news for you!
You see, last year, the tax people hit me with a big, big, bill for death duties which means if you're in the market for really fine examples of work of The Venetian School you've come to the right place!
So to meet that bill, I'm slashing prices until they scream! You'd better sit down because you're not going to believe these savings. How much would you pay for Titian's "Diana and Actaeon"? £50 million? £60 million? £100 million? That's right! You'd pay a 100 million because that's what I say the painting's worth!
But here's what I'm going to do just this week! Buy "Diana and Actaeon" at the giveaway price of £100m and you'll receive "Diana and Callisto" absolutely free!
Buy this one...
...get this one free!!
Impressed? You should be!
But that's not all! Act now to secure the special two for one on Titian masterpieces this week and we'll rush you a mystery Poussin absolutely free! That 's right! A painting representing the apotheosis of the classical French style and it's yours just for acquiring the Titians!
Just imagine it, go on. Close your eyes and imagine those blank spaces on the walls of The Mound Gallery, because that's what's going to happen unless you cough up pronto.
The clock's ticking... And speaking of clocks let's have a look at the next item here on Millionstretcher TV.
A grandfather clock, made of MDF and covered in tanzanite crap...
Inside : I see that elsewhere in the monde de high culture, that the director of The Fringe has "resigned". I think you'll find the correct term is "flounced out".