"I don't... but if I did."

The page on the left is from a primary school website  in Aberdeenshire that last year made Darren Mackie, ex-Aberdeen FC striker, a reading champion. 
To like, "champion reading", ae? Ken?
As a closer look at the text reveals there is a tiny little flaw in the selection of Darren. (Apologies if the fitba' readers of The JT have seen this before, I've only just seen it.)


"(I) don't read books, but I read a lot of magazines about cars, health and general interest....If I did read books, it would be autobiographies because I enjoy finding out what happens in other people's lives...My favourite book is Lord of The Rings although I haven't read the book, I have watched the films.The book must be good because the films are so good..."


Inside: " I haven't actually shagged Angelina Jolie, but if I did, I'd probably really enjoy it. Ae, Ken?"