Saturday, 7 April 2012

Gladly, the crossed-eyed bear...(From The BBC)

Brand Development Focus Group, not yesterday
Britain's most senior Roman Catholic Church cleric has called for Christians to wear a cross every day.
In his Easter Sunday sermon, Cardinal Keith O'Brien will tell worshippers to "wear proudly a symbol of the cross of Christ" each day of their lives. 

He will tell his congregation:"Seriously people, we need the fuckin' numbers."

Referring to a blessed PapalPowerPoint presentation, the Cardinal will argue that the Catholic brand is in danger of losing some of its lustre." I've researched some focus group data produced by researchers working for The Spanish Inquisition and they found, that when put to torture,100% of respondents thought Catholicism was the absolute dog's bollocks."

Moving on to The Reformation period, the costumed -cleric will concede:
" OK, we took a market share kicking in some of the key European markets, Germany and Holland, but look at Scotland. After that beardy-fuck Knox was out of the way, our brand managers worked night and day to restablish our market position.They knew what was stake, which was why we burned so many doubters at the stake. In religion its my way or the horrible death way. Am I right? Damn straight!"

The Cardinal will call upon the faithful to aggressively market the Catholic brand arguing:"At a time when we're battling for market-share among other brands of God Bothering Bollocks, its vitally important that Catholicism survives. I mean, for Christ's sake, I gave up shagging for this gig."

It is thought that secularists might have organised to start wearing tick symbols on a daily basis but decided not to bother because the God Squad would be too thick to get the gag.

No originally Judaic Thantic Cults for me, thanks!

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