"Cow Toffee" : fundamental particle falls victim to healthy diet craze.
The worlds of toffee confectionery and dentistry were united in mourning this week on the news that McCowans of Stenhousemuir, purveyors of dentally challenging sweeties to generations of Scots, has gone into receivership.The current management of the firm blame the trend towards healthy eating for a slump in sales of the company’s products and as JT readers of a certain age can readily attest, the firm’s famous Cow Toffee does not score highly on the healthy eating front. Who can forget that magic moment of ecstasy on applying one’s molars to the light brown slab of dark matter only to have your teeth crumble in defeat?
As Professor Beaker of The Good Old Days Studies at Aberdeen now recalls : "I well mind when Scotland’s streets were littered with half chewed bits of Cow’s Toffee, their surface pitted with the dark grey remains of dental filling that been pulled out of the plaque stained remains of the nation’s juvenile teeth. Happy days"
But fear not, for even if the fads of fashion dictate the demise of McCowans, Cow Toffee will go on - indeed, as another Professor Beaker, top physics boffin, now explains, Cow Toffee holds the universe together:"At the sub-atomic level, way below the level of neutrons and quarks, an electron microscope of unimaginable power may one day confirm what we scientists already believe - at root, matter is composed of serried ranks of slabs upon slabs of Cow Toffee. Cow Toffee is the fundamental particle. And I’d just like to make it clear that I’m not related to the other Professor Beaker previously cited in this completely made-up article." Inside: Nostalgia corner: Remember "Lucky Bags"? As in: you’ll be "lucky" if you don’t break all your teeth on the contents, that kind of lucky…
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