Friday, 1 April 2011

"Hello? Hello? Can you let me out now please?"

"No, that's actually me that made that film.
Not Danny Kaye, me."
Ex-MP, Jim Devine, described as a "fantastist" and a  "Walter Mitty" character by an ex-employee denied to The JT last night that he'd  just been handed a 16 month jail sentence for fraud.

"Yeh, I know that's what it looks like" he whispered, eyebrows arching, " but I'm really going on a secret government mission so this whole jail story is a cover. I really can't say anymore, its completely hush hush."

Satisfied with that explanation, The JT tried to terminate the conversation, conducted via a sophisticated system of taps on the pipework within Mr Devine's new home, prison. 

Mr Devine hurriedly responded: "Okay, Okay! I'll tell you but you can't tell anyone else right? I'm being sent into space to divert an asteroid that's heading to Earth.No wait, that's next week, I forgot.
This week I'm going to arm wrestle Colonel Gaddafi into giving up power.
 Its true, he's told everybody, he'll only give up if I beat him, best out of three in that big tent. He's said that, I've got proof of him saying 'I will only give up if I'm beat at arm wrestling by the one they call James  The Devine!' Honestly,  the clip of him saying that is on You Tube. No, hang on, its not on You Tube, the clip's been taken down for security reasons, but I can't go into it any further."

Mr Devine concluded the interview by saying that he was now fully prepared for his secret mission to Libya and was just waiting for someone to come and open his room door which seemed to have go stuck. The ex-MP did assure us that he could open the door dead easy if he wanted to but he didn't want to give the real criminals in the prison any ideas.

Inside: With all respect to Aldridge Prior.

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