Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Blood boffins benefit as new type of fund model enters market- but only after dark.

Top scientists at four Scottish universities announced this week that they're looking forward to an injection of fresh blood- quite literally! 
The boffins, all specialists in blood, have gained funding from government to develop artificial blood to be used in transfusions. 

Professor Beaker of Edinburgh's Department of Ooh that's a nasty cut isn't it? You'd better wash it under the cold tap Studies told the JT: "While the £2m is welcome we really needed the extra investment provided by a new funding model developed in Eastern Europe- the vampire fund." 

The extra money is provided on the understanding that the main investor, a Count Nosferatu, has first dibs on sampling the product and unlimited access to locally sourced, buxom virgins. 

Professor Beaker continued:
 "Allowing the Count to check the artificial blood product isn't a big technical problem, and I won't insult your readers' intelligence by recycling  the obvious gag about problems sourcing local buxom virgins." 

It is thought he Count represents a long line of similar investment patrons stretching back to the first : Vlad The Investor.

Mr Nosferatu "just popping upstairs to check on the virgins."

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