STV new news strategy: "apparently there are places in Scotland outside Glasgow"

In what is being seen as a major attempt to increase the station's viewer base, STV  is to trial separate bulletins for Glasgow and Edinburgh.  


The head of news at the station told The JT: "Apparently there are other places in Scotland apart from Weegiewurld so our news programming has to take that into account."

He did assure  potential viewers in Tayside and The Highlands that the decision to split the evening bulletin between Glasgow and Edinburgh would not effect  coverage in those areas: "Can I just assure Tayside and Highland viewers that coverage of local stories on STV will remain at current levels- somewhere between fuck and all."


STV, currently suffering a shortage of viewers is looking at other ways of building  audiences. A STV  source told The JT: " We worked out at that it would actually be cheaper to go door to door with our flagship shows rather than go to the expense of broadcasting them. We trialled that idea with "The Hour",  nightly featuring the lovely personalitied, salad dodging, Michelle McManus, but  when she turned out at some wumman's door in Coatbridge, she rushed through to the kitchen of the property where tea was being prepared and started dooking for chips. I'm afraid legal action is now pending."


Audience research suggests that the flagship teatime show has encouraged a lot of viewer  involvement in the show as one viewer can confirm :" When the music for The Hour starts up I can't decide between shooting myself through the head or taking an overdose of sleeping pills."

Thank God Michelle's overtime has come through!

Inside: This is true. STV's New Year season  promo featured Michelle timing the male presenter of the show while he worked on an exercise-bike. I mean, where do you start?