According to the BBC, the world's oldest whimbrel has been found on a Shetland island.
Contacted for comment, someone we met in the street told The JT : "This is great news. Or at least I think it is. I'm not actually 100% sure what a whimbrel is to be honest. Is it like a kind of frog or something?"
Professor Beaker of Aberdeen's Centre-for-Know-It-Allology told The JT: "Whimbrels are vitally important to the ecology of the Shetlands, providing a vital indicator of the current environmental health of the islands. Or perhaps not. Because I've no idea what a whimbrel actually is."
Apparently it's actually some kind of bird.
Inside: "Oh I know this. Oh I loved this song when I was a kid. It went: "The Whimbels of Wombledon Common are we." Don't you remember it? Don't you?"