Auditor warns of high likelihood of fucked-upness

Robert Black, Scotland's Auditor General, told The BBC this week that the outlook for public spending in Scotland was "dismal" and warned that politicians faced making very difficult decisions. He later told The JT : "Basically we're fucked, with an extra helping of fuckedness, topped off with sprinkles and and a great bit dollop of fucked-upness."


Mr Black said that the need for public-spending cuts had been apparent for a number of years, saying :"If only there had been a public-funded body auditing all public spending during that period and headed by someone willing, at that time, to talk about the coming shit-storm. Er, hang on, I've just thought that one through, just forget I said anything..."


Mr Black insisted that in the coming review nothing could be ruled out in the need to cut spending: "There may well be a need to look at the whole area of spending audit. I mean, can we really afford to fund an auditing department that produces reams of paper every year but is incapable of offering advice until it's too late? Er, hang on, just forget I said anything. Again..."


It is thought that if Audit Scotland's role is pruned then Mr Black might be forced to walk the streets, importuning pedestrians with the siren call, "Hello dearie, you look like you could do with a thorough auditing..."
If this career path fails, then Mr Black might face the ultimate degradation...