Monday, 20 September 2010

Denny Distortion Delivers Denial

A red-faced BBC may well be forced to apologise after a news story misquoted Denny man Brian McCabe. 
According to The BBC, Mr McCabe said : "Denny town centre looks like Beirut on a bad day." Mr McCabe later told The JT : "The BBC quoted me out of context in the edit. What I actually meant was that, even on a good day, Denny looks like Beirut on a bad day."

The correction comes amid moves by desperate Dennyian denizens to claim the Plook On A Plinth Award for urban desolation. Denny was a worthy runner-up to John O'Groats in the annual award. 
With John O' (er) Groatians reluctant to accept the award, Denny locals want to claim it, to put pressure on the local council to "improve" the town centre.
It is thought that the town centre is holding Denny back economically, an opinion backed by the Hollywood glitterati. 
A production designer who worked on the  post-apocalyptic grim-a-thon The Road, told The JT: "We scouted Denny as a possible location to show signs of absolute urban desolation, but our budget wouldn't stretch to the amount of work needed to bring the town centre up to that standard."

Meanwhile, Falkirk Council's crack marketing professionals are about to swing into action to improve Denny's image. A spokesAnsoff'smatrix told The JT: "In the absence of any money to actually make any physical improvements to Denny, we're working on a perky slogan in the hope that people visiting Denny will believe the slogan as opposed to the evidence of their own eyes."

Possible slogans in the mix include:

  • Denny. If you think this is bad wait 'til you see Bonnybridge.
  • Denny. At least it's no Dunipace. Dunipace is a shitehole ken, eh?
  • Denny. Proudly twinned with Dresden (as it looked in June 1945).

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