Swinney: "This new invention will slash housing costs"

Finance Secretary John Swinney, under fire this week for a budget that slashes spending on social housing, hit back at his critics this weekend saying: "I've seen the first photograph of a process that will slash housing costs."

Mr Swinney unveiled photographic evidence sent to him in an email from "Inflato-hooses" a construction company based in Lagos, Nigeria.

An enthusiastic Mr Swinney told The JT: "Quite off their own bat, these Nigerian engineers bought a site in Glasgow I think, although I don't like Glasgow, so I never go there, and inflated two luxury high rise apartment blocks in seconds."

While the actual process is top secret the company are willing to make the process public just as soon as Mr Swinney, in a gesture of good faith, emails the company details of the Treasury's current housing account and the pin number needed to access it.

Proof positive: Fully inflated block joined in seconds by the one on the right.