|"Oi! Girlie! Step away from the ice cream now!"|
A spokesplodmp5 for the unit told The JT:" In giving this man a talking to, the unit acted with commendable restraint. We could've ended up looking like complete wankers, which mercifully we haven't. Not at all. Ordinarily, in these circumstances we would have implemented our SOP with respect to suspicious activity- the controlled explosion of everyone in a ten mile radius."
Professor Beaker of Stirling's Centre For The Study Of Everything commented:" It is heartening to know that in these times of heightened international tension that the Braehead Centre security staff and the police can act so swiftly and effectively to really fuck up someone's day. Well done everyone."