Internet-squawking sensation, Susan Boyle, is now a shoo-in to win TV's Britain's Got Talent, but what will the subsequent fame mean for the single, God- bothering resident of Blackburn? (That's "Blackburn" in West Lothian, apparently.
Inside: I see the provost of Blackburn has welcomed the publicity because it's "put Blackburn on the map." 
No, I'd never heard of it either...)
- Develops serious coke-habit. Drinking up to a can a day!
- Forms relationship with West Lothian-based rapper, Fifty-Pence.
- Builds £150k mansion in Blackburn, thus doubling total property values in a thirty-mile radius.
- Flights of her celebrity helicopter have locals forming millennial sect, convinced end of world has come and predicting the destruction/improvement of Bathgate by fire.
Yes...
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