"Blackburn, West Lothian's Got Talent!" (and running water apparently)

Internet-squawking sensation, Susan Boyle, is now a shoo-in to win TV's Britain's Got Talent, but what will the subsequent fame mean for the single, God- bothering resident of Blackburn?

(That's "Blackburn" in West Lothian, apparently.

No, I'd never heard of it either...)

• Develops serious coke-habit. Drinking up to a can a day!
  
• Forms relationship with West Lothian-based rapper, Fifty-Pence.
• Builds £150k mansion in Blackburn, thus doubling total property values in a thirty-mile radius.
• Flights of her celebrity helicopter have locals forming millennial sect, convinced end of world has come and predicting the destruction/improvement of Bathgate by fire.

Inside: I see the provost of Blackburn has welcomed the publicity because it's "put Blackburn on the map."

Yes...