So-called "slipper farmers" are said to be buying up farmland and then claiming EU money for doing fuck-all.
A spokesgetorfmaalaand told The JT: "It's shocking that townies with no connection to the land are cashing in on EU agricultural subsidies - that's the job of the farming community."
Pointing to acres of green fields with nothing much happening, our source tearfully continued: "For generations, my family have made sure an early application for free money goes into the government in early spring, that way you've got loads of cash to lift come autumn-time. Ooh-ahr etc."
Professor Beaker of Dundee's Department of Dung was worried: "I'm worried" he told us. "Worried that this blatant misuse of public money might lead to are more systemic look at the whole area of farming subsidy. If I was a farmer, I'd be bricking it to be honest..."
We tried to contact a farmer for supplementary comment but he was too busy tending to his herd of Range Rovers.
|Farmer's market- aka "the bank".|