Dundee's George pays tribute to cowboy

In an emotional speech following his electoral victory in Bradford, Dundee's George Galloway paid tribute to his friend and mentor, Fat Wullie, The Cowboy Only George Can See.

He told the audience at the count:"You may only see the bloke standing to my right with the short-sleeved shirt on, I on the other hand can see a gadgie wearing a white cowboy outfit with matching stetson.This phantom,a creature of my imagination, if you will, is Fat Wullie who has guided my every move since starting out as a young politician in Dundee. As a young man I was  filled with just one burning ambition- to get the fuck oot of Dundee."


It is thought that Mr Galloway is responsible for a statue in Dundee paying tribute to Fat Wullie, although for copyright reasons everyone pretends its Desperate Dan.

Theirs was a love that

dare not speak its name... mainly because, well look and tell me: have you ever seen an embrace that looks more awkward?

JT international, nationalist, edition

From Goon, the best movie about le hockey since Slap Shot, a great sight gag. 
Our heroes, playing for the made-up Halifax Highlanders travel to play the  equally fictitious  Quebec Victoires, at home, somewhere in Quebec.
Check out the relative sizes of the flags  on display in the arena.
 Priceless.

Ruth to George:"Thank you so very fuckin' much"

Scottish Tory leader Ruth Davidson launched the Conservative pro-Union group week just as George Osborne decided to piss over her chips by launching an anti-union strategy. 
Chancellor George helpfully  announced that his government of lovelies plans to cut the wages of public employees living outside the bit of the UK that actually matters: the South East.

Ruth told a superficially sympathetic JT : "Not only has George fucked over my pro-Union campaign before it starts, he's also ensured that anyone living in that bit of England not in the South-East will demand to be allowed to separate with Scotland."

Ruth and George preparing for shit storm

Look at this! Just look!

 From BBC Scotland's readers' photee thing. Its a man having a blether with a fox at the National Deer Centre.
Its just fuckin' brilliant and I love it.

Scots farmers said to be shocked,disappointed and shocked,again...

Members of Scotland's (ahem) "hard-pressed" farming community were said to be angry over revelations in a BBC Scotland expose that people with no connection to farming are cashing in on subsidy bonanzas.


So-called "slipper farmers" are said to be buying up farmland and then claiming EU money for doing fuck-all.


A spokesgetorfmaalaand told The JT: "It's shocking that townies with no connection to the land are cashing in on EU agricultural subsidies - that's the job of the farming community."


Pointing to acres of green fields with nothing much happening, our source tearfully continued: "For generations, my family have made sure an early application for free money goes into the government in early spring, that way you've got loads of cash to lift come autumn-time. Ooh-ahr etc."


Professor Beaker of Dundee's Department of Dung  was worried: "I'm worried" he told us. "Worried that this blatant misuse of public money might lead to are more systemic look at the whole area of farming subsidy. If I was a farmer, I'd be bricking it to be honest..."
We tried to contact a farmer for supplementary comment but he was too busy tending to his herd of Range Rovers.

Farmer's market- aka "the bank".