Ooh, its a tough one isn't it?

I mean how do you know that you're really Scottish? Okay, it's easy enough if you live In Scotland, but what if you're somehow marooned in Foreign, far from your ain folk? 
Thankfully, help is at hand...

For if you can watch the clip below featuring words by Burns, singing by Redpath, and a setting provided by film genius Terence Davies without greetin' like a big jessie then I think it's pretty clear you're deficient in the Scottishicity department. 
Or maybe it's just me...


Holiday hellos to all JT readers of whatever nationality.
Be happy, be safe, do good.
See you next year.

I must admit,

this took me a minute to appreciate but its worth the wait. 
Thanks to Thunderbay Pete...

An Xmas tale

Many years ago, fellow jagsters, when the world was made of wood and only came in black and white, your editor and SO found ourselves awaiting an operatic production in a hall, in an English town.


Imagine our disquiet, reader dear do, when we discovered that the tradition there in was to play the National Anthem (I told you it was a long time ago) at the commencement of proceedings and not at the conclusion. As you know the latter tradition deploys the opening bars of that hymn to the hereditary principle because it is guaranteed to clear a public place faster than a ringing fire alarm.
But, oh fuckin' no. In this hall, it was played at the start so your editor and SO endured a rather awkward moment with the metaphorical spotlight picking us out, courtesy of us being the only two people left sitting down. Whoo, awkward, as the young people are given to saying...


Which brings me to Songs of Praise, the BBC's weekly prime -time nod to God Bothering. If I happen upon it, in mid-bother as it were, I'm usually quick enough to flip away to another channel with something more interesting on, but last night I found myself caught. The show was on the end-credits and as  I was waiting for the news I thought I'll just have to ride this out.


I'm so glad I did because the BBC played a trailer for next week's SoP which I helpfully transcribe in full below:


"Next week Aled (fat, Welsh singy bloke, given to bothering God in Welsh-sounding gibberish) introduces a spectacular Xmas Day big sing from the Royal Albert Hall. There'll be carols aplenty for everyone to sing and festive songs from star guest Chris de Burgh! (Chris De Burgh? Chris De Fuckin' Burgh? Quickly everyone gather round! Chris de Burgh's on the telly!) 
So, put your feet up for a very special Songs of Praise and join Aled and 5000 singers for the perfect way to celebrate Xmas!"


Yes, that's right. A winter festival designed around the idea that God was made incarnate and came to Earth to save all our asses and what does the BBC want you to do? Put your feet up.
Now, although I'm no expert on the topic, I would've thought reflecting on The Advent required  one to assume a prayerful position just to be on the safe side, but putting your feet up? That's just taking the piss isn't it?

"And Jesus walked among them saying, I am The Lord your God and everyone just needs to put their feet up and like chill..."

"Yes, this idea will definitely work..."

Faced with sliding circulation figures, The Scotsman's management announced this week that the paper will revert to a traditional format with no supplements. A senior source at the paper told The JT." Apparently this internet thing is looking like being more than a passing fad, so we're having to rethink our business model." 
It is thought that as part of the revamp, the paper will no longer feature "photographs", or as described by management " new-fangled lithographs". Below we have an exclusive look at the new format...

And as Scotland

looks forward to (or else) a year of artistic creativity, Culture minister Fiona Hyslop employs her titanic intellect to understanding the distinction between representation and reality...

Inside: With apologies to the writers of Big Train.

Ooh look,

isn't that sweet? 
Two trucks apparently enjoying a good long rest at The  Rest And Be Thankful. Its geographic/nominative irony that's what it is... Possibly.

Inside: Elsewhere on our storm-lashed isle: apparently a wind turbine toppled over in the wind.

When it comes to criticising

China's human rights record, Alex Salmond, according to The Scotsman, is having a "friendly word" about it.

And with

the Chinese giant pandas arriving any day now at Edinburgh Zoo, the zoo's management deny that the animals will be used to promote corporate brands...

And as Scotland

goes down for the third and last time sinking below the surface of a rain-soaked country, we ask: can we get a couple of cheap gags out of a terrible situation?

Man calls AA:"When I say the car's engine is flooded what I mean is..."

Rail passengers enjoy complimentary, cooling and compulsory "foot spa experience."

Flood transforms Cumnock.

But river open...