Monday, 17 June 2013

From The Hardup:Yes, this will definitely work...

Call for phone and web votes to boost turnout

The Electoral Commission should consider introducing internet and phone voting to boost turnout at elections, a Holyrood report has said.
The Local Government Committee has recommended that the commission, alongside the Scottish Government, looks at alternatives to traditional voting, and takes opportunities to test out new methods.
The recommendation comes after the committee examined the 2012 local government elections, which had a voter turnout of just 39.8%. 
A Holyrood source told The JT:"We're keen to try out new methods of engaging with an electorate that couldn't give a fuck basically, so when the ideas outlined above don't work, we'll be taking our engagement agenda to a whole new level." 
The agenda, code-named:"Fuck it ,we've tried everything else" will include a raft of new voting platforms using a Ouija board.It is thought that generations of Scots, currently asleep in their places of rest until the Day Of Judgement, can be persuaded to arise from their tombs and float spectre -like along to the voting station.The dead will be targeted with a tailored program of promotional messages including:"Scotland's future:be part of it, if only in a non-material sense" and  "Vote.What else have you got to do?"
Our source continued:"After contacting the dead doesn't work,we'll try contacting the un-dead if a volunteer comes forward to go to Coatbridge."
Our expert in all things, Professor Beaker of Abertay's Centre For The Study Of Anything We Can get Funding For, told us:" Politics is essentially people , the men in suits, the women in designer humphie, talking to each other about policy detail no one else outside politics is interested in. What politicians fail to realise is that while they find politics endlessly fascinating,the rest of us don't."

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