Davidson to offer Fraser "big job", Fraser to consider options, not excluding suicide.

Walking holiday-enjoyer and new Tory leader in Scotland Ruth Davidson is to offer defeated rival Murdo Fraser a "big job" in her new team. She told The JT, "You can see from the diagram I've supplied, that I'll be asking Murdo to form a vital, important integral part of the Tory campaign to continue being a complete irrelevance in Scottish politics. 

At the time of writing Mr Fraser was said to be considering his options up to and including sticking  a Glock 9 in his mouth and just being done with it all.


Elsewhere, Ms Davidson revealed her new weapon in the coming political battles. As seen below, if required she can deploy her "Oxter of Radiance", an intense beam of light emanating from her armpit, that will destroy her enemies utterly and allow her to reign unchallenged as Queen Of The Underworld (North British Branch) for countless  millennia or until such time as she gets dumped by the activists.