New Commonwealth Game

Team sniper event. Team members atop the grassy knoll attempt to change world history in competition with team positioned in book depository. Winning team receive gold medal and are killed by Jack Ruby some days later.

Nation's dentists rejoice:"We're fuckin' minted" says mouth mechanics

as new era of prosperity dawns...

Note to the Welsh...

Don't pick fights with kids fae Motherwell who really, really like fighting...

"Right, which wan o' you cunts is next? Jist come ahead like etc"

Commonwealth Games special- Camerons win looking confused gold!

From The BBC , but somewhat embroidered...

Glasgow Science Centre tower open after smoking cable alert

The Science Centre tower is the tallest fully rotating tower in the world

Continue reading the main story

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Glasgow Science Centre tower has opened as normal after fire crews were called on Tuesday to tackle a smoking cable.

A member of the public spotted smoke coming from the lift motor room after the tower had closed on Tuesday night.

A spokesspoke told The JT:" I can confirm that the tower is perfectly safe and will remain so until whatever the fuck goes wrong with the fucker next."

The search is now on from someone mental enough or with suicidal thoughts willing to risk death by buying a ticket. "That ticket machine had all sparks flying out of it the other day" our source confirmed, that's something else to stay away from..."

Wait for it,(From The BBC)

Coffee served in Glasgow is stronger than brews in Italy and Spain, according to new research.

Researchers in all three countries said their findings had implications for people who needed to watch their caffeine intake.

They said counting how many cups you drank could not be used to measure how much caffeine you were consuming. The researchers confirmed to the JT that, at the moment,their findings could only be presented verbally, but a written report would follow just as soon as their hands stop shaking...

See, what it is right,

is that these foreign folk urnae used tae weegie cooking, wi' the deep-fried pizza wi' the Mars Bar topping no?

Just the way real weegies feel all the time...

The JT- we say what others are thinking!

Apparently the search is on for a spaceport and several Scottish locations are in the frame. 

Look, can I just cut to the chase on this one?
 It has to be Kinloss doesn't it? Nothing to do with the ex-Nimrod friendly long runway, nothing to do with the firth-facing promise of loads of sea room. No, its a question of recruitment of future astronauts. Kinloss is right next to Findhorn, ding bat central and therefore chock full of space cadets.
Case closed, move along now, nothing to see here.

This headline, from The Scotsman...

is known of in the online -trade as troll-bait...

From a Jambo POV, at least he's not taking training...

From The BBC: just an normal day

in Old Wishaw town...

"Be doop, be wah, boop de woo!"

And as the controversy over those Commonwealth Games outfits continues we ask the really important question!

"God save one, The Queen..."

Women of Fort William experience

what they fondly imagine an orgasm to be like...

From The BBC almost...

It is in the UK's national interest to keep the Trident nuclear weapons system, a group of former ministers, diplomats and generals have argued.

Maintaining a nuclear capability could help deter threats to the UK's security in future, their report concluded.

The group compared the cost/benefit of spending billions on a pointless exercise in post-imperial posturing or simply throwing the money on to a bonfire, the first option was narrowly considered  the most rational application of funds by the report's author F'Tang F'Tang Biscuit Barrel.