Quiet news day-From The Skintsman

SCOTLAND’S education secretary has slammed internet giants Google for failing to restore Jura to its maps more than two weeks after they lost it.

• Mike Russell criticises Google after they fail to reinstate Jura to its map

• Education secretary says he had already complained to search engine giant about mis-spellings of place names

Mike Russell said he was “disappointed” that Google did not seem to regard rescuing Jura from the waves as a priority. A spokessearch from Google responded promptly saying:"Who the fuck is Mike Russell?"

Inside: The paper's headline, "Mike Russell hits out at Google over  Jura map snub", recalls Claud Cockburn's spoof mind-numbingly tedious "Small Earthquake in Chile- not many dead." But Cockburn was being boring deliberately... 

Truly, a prince among men

This is Royal and Ancient Chief Executive Peter Dawson pictured at a press conference yesterday. 

Among the items covered was the issue of Muirfield and the like excluding women from membership. One attending hack, reasonably asked, if discrimination against women wasn't just the same as other forms of exclusion, specifically discrimination based on apartheid. This is Dawson's response, lifted verbatim from the TV segment:
"Oh goodness me.I think that's a ridiculous question if I may say so.There's a massive difference between racial discrimination, antisemitism and all of those things,where sectors of society are  downtrodden and treated definitely very, very badly indeed and to compare that with a men's golfclub is I think, frankly absurd there is just no comparison whatsoever."

So there we have it , that's all cleared up then. Clubs like Muirfield will welcome, as members, black, jewish and those  of the- all- those -things- community as long as they're not women.


Inside: The interview is about seven and a half minutes in to RS last night. Its on iplayer:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b036z0f8/Reporting_Scotland_17_07_2013/

Blind dogs for The Guides

First dementia dogs start work with owners

By Eleanor BradfordBBC Scotland Health Correspondent

Continue reading the main story

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• Dogs to help people with dementiaWatch

The first ever "dementia dogs" have been working with their new owners.

The dogs have been trained to help people with early-stage dementia and can remind them to take their medicine and help them get out and about.

The project is in effect a relaunch as the project director told The JT:

" The first trial of the project used demented dogs which didn't really work as a thing." 

Inside: May God forgive me, but this is still one of the funniest features every written:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/alzheimers-sufferers-demand-cure-for-pancakes,835/

Look everyone! Mumford And Sons are playing T In The Park!

A continuing inspiration to Trustafari everywhere.

Inside. With apologies to Charlie Brooker for just stealing his gag.

File under: Plan, Cunning

There's two of them...

With BBC Scotland's leaking flagship Reporting Scotland going into talking heads overdrive on the Andy Murray story,  its just so important to make sure the viewer knows whose who.
For example, there's:
                                                             
                                                                                 
                                                                                                       





And then there's:

So that's all nice and clear then...

Inside:"There's two of them" reference. Anyone recognise the provenance?

Pre-satirised news from BBC Alba

The whole story can be found here:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-23198969